Do you feel like no matter what you do, it’s never enough? You try to help, offer support, or do something nice for your partner, but it seems to backfire. Maybe they misinterpret your intentions, reject your efforts, or shut you down completely. Over time, you might find yourself thinking, What’s the point? Shutting down feels like the only way to avoid making things worse.
In relationships, this cycle often stems from deeper patterns of misunderstanding. The Gottman Method highlights that behind many rejections or miscommunications lies a partner who feels their own needs aren’t being met. Your efforts to help or connect might not land because your partner is seeing them through a lens of unmet expectations or past hurts.
So, how can you break this cycle?
Stop Guessing and Start Asking. Just like a jobsite needs clear plans, relationships thrive on clear communication. Ask your partner directly what they need or how they’re feeling. This shows you care and prevents misinterpretations.
Repair the Emotional Foundation: If your partner’s responses seem harsh or dismissive, they may be guarding themselves emotionally. Couples therapy can help uncover these defenses and rebuild trust.
Focus on “Bids” for Connection: In Gottman terms, small gestures like asking about their day or offering a cup of tea are bids for connection. Pay attention to these opportunities, and respond with care.
Share Your Feelings: If you’re feeling defeated, let your partner know in a calm moment. “I feel like I can’t get it right, and it’s hard for me to keep trying” can open a conversation about your shared struggles.
If you’re tired of feeling like you’re walking on eggshells, Brisbane Couples Counselling can help. Using the Gottman Method, we’ll guide you to rebuild connection, improve communication, and create a relationship where you both feel valued.
Don’t wait for things to get worse. Call 3876 2100 or email info@brisbanecouplescounselling.com to book your session today. Let’s work together to build a partnership where your efforts are seen and appreciated.
Comments