Following the birth of a baby, many clients report feeling too 'touched out' to have sex or be close to their partner. For a couple, this can be a really challenging time to navigate as they try and understand each other's perspectives. For both, it can feel lonely as they try and navigate what the transition to parenthood means for their relationship.
What does feeling 'touched out' mean?
This term describes the physical and emotional exhaustion that can come from constant caregiving—being hugged, held, or needed by your baby all day long. When you’re touched out, the thought of physical intimacy can feel overwhelming, like just another item on an already endless to-do list.
The Gottmans, renowned relationship researchers, highlight this dynamic in their Bringing Baby Home program, which focuses on strengthening relationships during the transition to parenthood. According to their research, couples often experience a decline in relationship satisfaction after the birth of a baby due to increased stress, reduced time together, and unmet needs for emotional and physical connection.
Feeling touched out isn’t about a lack of love for your partner. It’s about your body and mind needing a break from constant stimulation.
Staying Connected Without Physical Intimacy
Even if physical touch feels like too much right now, there are ways to maintain closeness:
Prioritize Emotional Intimacy: Share your feelings openly with your partner. Talk about your exhaustion, stress, or even guilt for not wanting physical intimacy. Being vulnerable helps you stay emotionally connected.
Show Appreciation: Small gestures, like thanking your partner for their support or acknowledging their efforts, can foster goodwill and connection.
Create Rituals of Connection: The Gottmans emphasise the importance of shared rituals. Spend 10 minutes each day talking about something other than the baby, play a game of cards, hold hands while watching TV, or enjoy a quiet cup of tea together after bedtime.
Redefine Intimacy: Physical intimacy doesn’t have to mean sex. Cuddling, a back rub, or simply sitting close can nurture connection without overwhelming you.
Moving Forward
The Gottmans remind us that 'small things often' can make a big difference. Feeling touched out is a natural phase, but with open communication and shared moments of connection, you and your partner can navigate it together.
Need support strengthening your relationship after baby? Contact Brisbane Couples Counselling at 3876 2100 or email info@brisbanecouplescounselling.com to book a session today. Let’s help you reconnect during this beautiful yet challenging chapter of life.
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