Do you ever find yourself ready to move on after an argument, only to discover your partner is still stuck on it hours—or even days—later? While it may feel frustrating, this difference in how you process conflict is not unusual. Many couples struggle when one person can “let things go” quickly, while the other feels caught in a cycle of unresolved emotions.
Your ability to move on likely stems from how you process conflict internally. You might feel that once something is addressed, it’s time to move forward. However, your partner may process conflict differently, taking more time to untangle their feelings, reflect on the situation, and make sense of what happened.
The Gottman Method offers insights into these dynamics. Often, when someone struggles to move on, it’s because the conflict touches on a deeper emotional need or wound that hasn’t been fully addressed. For example, your partner may feel unheard, misunderstood, or invalidated during the argument, which makes it harder for them to move past it.
So, how can you bridge this gap?
Pause and Acknowledge: Even if you feel ready to move on, take time to acknowledge your partner’s feelings. A simple, “I see that this is still upsetting for you—can we talk about it more?” can help them feel validated.
Use Repair Attempts: Repair attempts—small gestures like humour, affection, or apologising—can help soothe lingering tension. According to the Gottmans, successful repair attempts are a hallmark of healthy relationships.
Understand Their Perspective: Ask your partner what’s keeping them stuck. Are they feeling dismissed? Hurt? Uncertain about how the issue was resolved? Understanding their perspective can help you address the root of the issue together.
Revisit the Issue with Empathy: Sometimes, your partner may need a second conversation to feel fully heard. Approach it with curiosity and patience rather than frustration.
If this dynamic is creating tension in your relationship, couples counselling can help. At Brisbane Couples Counselling, we use Gottman Method strategies to help couples understand and work through conflict effectively.
Ready to improve how you navigate conflict together? Call Brisbane Couples Counselling at 3876 2100 or email info@brisbanecouplescounselling.com to book a session today. Let’s work together to build understanding and strengthen your connection.
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